Crossbats CC 2nd XI v. Teddington CC

24th July 2010, Kings’ Field, Hampton Wick

A Babyshambles

With age comes experience.  With experience comes knowledge, and with knowledge, wisdom.  Thus it was that possibly the wisest team ever to set foot on a cricket field in the name of Crossbats 2nd XI gathered to take on the assorted talents from Teddington.  On another gloriously sunny day in this bar-be-que summer, in the absence of Skipper Collier (taking a well-earned mid-season sabbatical), it was old warrior Wright that took the reigns once more.  Following Ponting’s first rule of captaincy, Wright won the toss and elected to bat.

Opening for Crossbats were the rejuventated Spiro and the returning Winch.  On a dustbowl of a wicket which wouldn’t have looked out of place in the backstreets of Lahore, they steadily set about building a solid platform to the innings.  Against some tight early bowling, Winch picked off the bad balls expertly and kept things ticking over.  At the other end Spiro slowly worked his way up through the gears, eventually moving smoothly into first.  Complementing each other perfectly, the 50 partnership came up in about 12 overs without any great cause for alarm.  Apart from the odd ball that jumped up from a length, the wicket played essentially true and it was good so see Spiro batting without fear in his cap.

With both batsmen settled, they began to open up and pepper the boundary frequently.  Winch flayed 3 sixes, while it was a joy at one point to see Spiro sashay down the wicket and lift the ball back over the bowler’s head for 4.  Indeed, one onlooker on the boundary from Teddington even commented on the “usefulness” of the batsMEN.  With things looking good, and Winch firing on all cylinders, he went for one big hit too many and was caught at the long-on boundary for a very well-played 91.  The opening partnership was 125, and the foundations were layed for some late innings hitting.  First to give it a go was Wright.  His first scoring shot deposited the ball into the bushes at Cow Corner, causing a several minute delay while fielders dug deeply to retrieve it.  Whether it was this delay that broke Wright’s concentration, or the general alarm/mirth of his daughters on the boundary (quote: Mummy, is that Daddy trying to run?), the fireworks lasted no longer, caught for 5.

Next to have a go was the lovestruck Nicholls.  After one swipe for 4, he looped his next delivery in trademark fashion straight up to mid-on, where a comfortable catch was taken.  Off he trooped, to resume his texting.  Rapley strode to the wicket next, harnessing his usual mixture of bitterness and caution to good effect.  Runs continued to flow, with Spiro still present at the other end reaching second gear at times.  It couldn’t last though, as ever, and eventually he fell on his sword, scoring a sweat laden 38 for club and country before being stumped by a 12 year old.  Tillson was next man in, a talented, if erratic, all-rounder whose appearances have been rare in recent times.  He was also the youngest member of the team today, at a wet-behind-the-ears 35.  Although clearly a little rusty, he swung the bat in the general direction of square leg repeatedly to good effect, registering a quick 24 before being bizarrely bowled between his legs by an old man bowling left arm over.  The ball was clearly going down leg, but somehow seemed to catch Tillson’s back thigh and deflect back onto the stumps.  With time running out, Crossbats’ in-from batsman and newly revealed father-to-be Reeve ambled in.  Clearly looking to preserve that average, he remained undefeated on 5 (all singles) and never looked in great danger of playing a shot.  At the other end, Rapley played well for a gutsy 21 not out, highlighted at the end by umpire Lippitt docking him 1 for a short run, which provoked a familiarly colourful outburst from this passionate cricketer.  The final score of 194 for 5 from 35 overs looked a reasonable one, and it was not without optimism that Crossbats tackled their tea.

On the resumption, it was by far the wisest pair of fast bowlers who this correspondent has ever seen that opened the bowling.  At times indecipherable from one another, Lippitt and Gumbley put their combined ages of 174 to good early effect.  With Lippitt trundling in down the slope (or was it Gumbley?), bowling in good areas and with no little guile, he got an early reward when he trapped the Teddington opener lbw for 4.  Wright showed himself to be the thinking man’s captain, setting 7-2 fields and suffocating the young Teddington batsmen.  Set to the continuous back-drop of a stray saxophonist who had somehow found his way to this part of Southwest London, the Australian duo continued to plug away with admirable application, while the off-side cordon swayed appreciatively to the Kool Kat Vibe.  Indeed, Gumblippitt was unlucky not to pick up further wickets, with Reeve culpable on more than one occasion of spilling regulation catches (let’s hope he handles the baby with more ability than he did the round red thing today). 

After their early alarms, the Teddington batsmen clearly grew in confidence and began to open up.  With Gumblippitt removed from the attack, Fitch and Reeve tried to weave their magic.  It was at about this time of the match that things seemed to take a turn for the worse for Crossbats.  With fielding becoming increasingly ragged, and at least 3 more chances going begging (Nicholls, Rapley and, worryingly, Reeve again the guilty parties), a classic Spiro Hall Of Fame moment occurred.  Not heeding his captain’s advice to drop back 10 paces at cover, Spiro fell fearlessly on a well-hit drive from the wristy Teddington batsman.  Blocking it manfully with some part of his dehydrated body, he let out a guttural, nee primeval howl of pain that would not have been out of place on the battlefields of Helmand Province.  Writhing, and howling some more, Spiro was soon surrounded by concerned Crossbats who had sped to their stricken colleague with some alarm.  One wise old sage advised “don’t move it!”, while early diagnoses included a fractured patella, a ruptured tendon and even an

open tib-fib amputation.  The concern, and sympathy, somewhat abated when Spiro began to hop about and declared that it was in fact cramp.  As painful and debilitating an affliction as this condition can at times be, Didier Spiro may not live this one down for some time.

And so things deteriorated inexorably from then on.  The batsmen scored faster and faster, Tillson managed a solitary consolatory wicket amongst the carnage, and one was left with the feeling that perhaps a mid-season sabbatical was deserved all round.  Captain Wright gave himself a few overs, and Barnes wheeled away without luck to finish with 0-21.  In a final farcical act, Lippitt came back into the attack, only to suffer some sort of sternal injury as wires began to pop out of him.  Refusing to give in, nor even to call a Cardiologist, he completed his over by chucking the ball down, being rightly called for a no-ball by the square-leg umpire on one occasion.  Thus it was that Teddington prevailed by 8 wickets, with their no. 3 unlucky to finish stranded on 99 not out, oh how he must have wished Rapley had completed that second run.

So another loss for Crossbats in this increasingly challenging season.  At times they batted well today, and credit must go to Winch for another fine innings, and also Spiro for showing glimpses of what could have been.  It was a welcome return for Tillson, but these silver linings fail to blow away the clouds of another heavy defeat.  But even the greatest cricketers admit that the lows are generally far more common than the highs, and it is thus that we shall keep fighting until the bitter, painful end.

Author Clive Nicholls